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In Loving Memory.

Sometimes I can't find to explain exactly how I feel, because it's so deep real deep. I just hope that that you can see just how deep it is by listening to this poem!

Now let me open up my heart and let you read what I wrote when you took your last steps to death and left my heart broken. I know you had to, life will always go one even when your gone, but there will always be the memories of you here. So, just keep those memories and hold on to them. I will be there when my time is up to cherosh those memories once again just as we all did when you was in our lifes. I wish I could have talked to the enternal-man. I you was here with us right now, smiling in our lives.

Some of may feel we cannot go on anymore without the hurtfulness of you being gone, but as it may see we do. It is alot hardly than it looks. To only know how we could have been with you here can only be a thought but never oh so true with you out of our lives. It makes us wounder, " Why!?! " If I could have to die why is this my biggest fear? I can only look above and let heaven whip away my tears.

Got on my knees this morning talking to the Lord, " My father, " Thanks for blessing me when the other didn't bother, life goes on. I need to stay strong, I have done some wrong in my life, but I done some right also. I've cried some lonley nights, and my heart no0one knows the pain I tend to hide it, holding back my tears I tend to fight it, but its building up inside me this heavy load. Help me Lord. Before I explode. Just take my soul!

You see I don't know if I can ever say, " Good-Bye" to yesterday, because when you leave and go to heavens its so far away, and I can't seem to only want you here on this earth. I know you are in a better place now, and was meant to go, but only the ones left to cherish your memories are also left with this painful hurtting we must deal with, with the past memories you left us with that will only make us cry. I can't even stop to think to whipe my tears away, but maybe he thought it was best for you to go. Even when I would be standing there saying, " No, please. Come and stay! " as I cry my last tear to only keep ahold of the past memories you left behind for us all to cherish within our hearts. Just keep your people close to you. So, you can cherish there every last memory they stood through, and stood true. So, when you meet the crossroad. then you can say that you open your hear, and just let heaven whipe your tears away. If I fall asleep tonight will I see you in heaven? If the Lord takes my life I hope to see you in Heaven. Just to whipe your tears away before today, and when he comes just be prepared for a brighter day. Just take me away!

In loving memory of my dear sister, " Meranda Lynn Ashlock. "

Born: 30 March 1989

Died: June 24 2002

Sincerely..

Johnathan W. Ashlock.

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Know this.....There is not a more genuine or important

message I, as your love, have to offer. I love you and

have always loved you. I have tried to show you by my

words and actions this love, but realize I may have

fallen short of this goal at times.

I have, to the best of my ability, with the work of my

body, the limites of my mind and strength of my soul,

tried to give you love, my heart, and for me to be

your everything, and to know you always have me to

turn too. I have tried to give you as much of my time

as possible in this hectic, hurried world. I have

tried to give you love and laughter. I have tried to

give you the safety and protection you have a right to

and I have an obligation to give. I have tried to let

you know that I love you more than anything, and

letting it on for you to know as much as i can without

scaring you. I have tried to give you as much trust as

possible in an apparent untrusting world.

In all my breaths, my true intention has never been to

hurt you or bring to you any unnecessary pain. I have

tried to be to you the best love I could with the

tools given to me. I want you to know that my times I

have hurt you, disappointed you, or let you down,

knowingly or unknowingly, That i am VERY sorry. I am

sorry for my shortcomings and the mistakes I made that

caused you any pain. For this I ask your forgiveness,

only when and if you are whilling to give it.

Thank you for the pleasures and treasures you have

given to me, both deserved and not. There was never

anything you have done that has taken my

unconditionale love for you. Always and now, in my

eyes, heart and soul, you are to me the most beautiful

bud, the loveliest bloom, and the most perfect flower.

I have loved you from the first day i meet you.....I

love every breath you take....I will love

you........Forever....

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Everyday you are gone, it kills me. Everyday you are here it kills me. My heart left when you did. Things arent right between us anymore. I can feel it. I miss you. God i miss you. You arent here anymore. You play it safe by being my friend, but not getting too close to me. Afraid i will scoop you into my embrace and never let you go. Tempting. I hate feeling like im the one left behind. Constricted by rules, wanting to break free from my heart, wanting to fly, but remaining grounded. I want to feel someone's touch, I want to feel someones love, i want to Feel it. I want to be held, and hold your eyes. I want you to look at me with wanting. I want you to kiss me sparatically, I want to walk in public holding your hand calling you my own. I want to know you'll protect me. I want to know that you love me like i love you. i need these things, then i will be whole. Wrote a poem last week... i suppose i will share it here..

Over Before It Began ~Johnathan W. Ashlock~

I was sitting at my table, Quiet as can be, I felt somebody looking, were they looking at me? My heart began to race, i fetl a flush come to my brow, i wanted to look up, but it may be akward now. So i continue to stare, at my now empty plate, remains of salt and ketchup, array and in a chaotic state, i look around the resturaunt, and see her sitting there, eating alone at her table, with a non-chalant stare, her eyes held the world, her smile held my heart, from just one look at her, i nearly fell apart, i got up from my table, coffee in my hand, feeling a strange courage, i didnt think i had, i make my way to her, gliding on cloud nine, This girl, this wonder, Just had to be mine. I paced to and fro, nervous from within, she sat there coyly, with a sensual grin. She watched me rack my brain, brain blank and empty, what would i say to this girl, the one who had stared at me. I finally had the words, ready to make my way, her table and i seemed miles apart, but i knew what i'd say. I made it to her table, and just as my lips parted, a man out of no where, walked up and started. "Hello my darling, " he cunningly said, my heart was pounding, i filled with dread. This man would take her away, away from me, away from my eyes, so no more of her i'd see, "Let's head out, before the storm gets here, i'd hate to have you wet and cold, my darling, my dear" She looked at him and smiled, as she put on her coat, that woman and her wiles. She looked to me and kindly said, with a grin in her eye, "It's been nice to meet you, See you around sometime" As i watched her walk away, in the arms of another man, In my heart i felt a hole, It was over before it began. Tis the same with all my relationships, The girls they come and go, here i am left stunned, my mouth agape and heart a hole. Watching her walk away, brought those feelings back, the feelings i tried to hide, feelings she'd attacked. I'll watch her walk away, in the arms of another man, Again i know how it feels, when it's over before it began.

It seems that the guy gets shafted more than a girl. Girl's get dumped and cheated on, but a guy works up the courage to ask the girl only to be told no.

I wish i hadnt watched you walk away... i'd still be standing today. But instead i cry inside. Not lettin my feelings show. You are happier now, yes i know but damn, it hurts to watch you shy away. I miss you baby... I miss you..

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Thoughtful Loving Feeling.

I love you so deeply. I love you so much. I love the sound of your voice, and the way that we touch. I love your warm smile, and your kind thoughtful ways, and the joy that you bring to my life everyday that I spend with you. I love you today as I have from the start, and I love you forever, with all of my heart!

When I am with you, eternity is a step away. My love continues to grow with each passing day. this treasure of love I will cherish within my soul. How much I love you, you will never really know. You bring a joy to my heart, I have only felt once before. With each touch of your hand. I love you more and more! Whenever we say ' Good-Bye', whenever we part...Just know I would hold you dearly, forever, deep inside my heart. So these three words, I pray you hold true; " I love you! "

Sincerely...

Johnathan W. Ashlock.

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