Baby_Buddha Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 (edited) SOCIALISM You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbor. COMMUNISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk. FASCISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk. NAZISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you. BUREAUCRATISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away. TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. SURREALISM You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons. AN AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead. ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND VENTURE CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull. A FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows. A DUTCH CORPORATION You have two cows. They are ‘happy’, look around and see loads of flowers and other friendly cows and think they can fly because they are eating your ‘special’ grass. You are happy and sell their special ‘happy’ milk to make more people ‘happy’. A JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide. A GERMAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. AN ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch. A RUSSIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. A SWISS CORPORATION You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them. A CHINESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation. AN INDIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You worship them. A BRITISH CORPORATION You have two cows. Both are mad. AN IRAQI CORPORATION Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy. AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate. A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive. And of course my personal favorite: A NORWEGIAN CORPORATION You have zero cows. You want the goverment to pay for your cows The goverment gives you cows, and if you dont have money to feed them or milk them, you also get that money.:cheers: Update: A Republican- You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. Who cares? A Democrate- You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous. A Mexican Corporation- You think you have two cows, but you don't know what a cow looks like. You take a siesta. A Brazilian Corporation- You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American Corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American Corporation declares bankruptcy. A Taliban Corporation- You have two cows. You turn them loose in the Afghan "countryside" and they both die. You blame the godless American infidels. AN ISRAELI CORPORATION: There are these two Jewish cows, right? They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people? AUSTRALIANISM: You have two cows. You take one to the beach and teach it to surf, then you bung the other one on the barbie, drink some VB, and laugh at the idea of a surfing cow. BAHRAINISM: You have two cows. Some high government official steals one, milks it, sells the milk and pockets the profit. The government tells you there is just one cow and not enough milk for the people. The people riot and scream death to the government and carry Iranian flags. The Parliament, after thinking for 11 months, decides to employ ten Bahrainis to milk all the cows at the same time to cut back on unemployment. BITCHISM: You're a cow! CENTRALISM: You have two cows. And a problem finding them in the middle of the field with 100,000,000 other cows. DEMOCRACY -- AMERICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk and then blame Japan while border guards beat up Mexicans sneaking into the country. People are outraged for a week or so and then go back to televised sports where there's no violence. LIBERTARIANISM: Go away. What I do with my cows is none of your business. SIMPSONISM: Don't have a cow man! UNITED NATIONISM: You have two cows. France vetoes you from milking them. The United States and Britain veto the cows from milking you. New Zealand abstains. Edited October 23, 2009 by Baby_Buddha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ttaM Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 NAZISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you. BUREAUCRATISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away. A RUSSIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. AN INDIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You worship them. A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive. BESTEST Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vandium Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 I don't think it could be made more simple to understand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fdh Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 Finland isn't on there because they r l33t3r than cow herders. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baby_Buddha Posted October 9, 2009 Author Share Posted October 9, 2009 (edited) Finland isn't on there because they r l33t3r than cow herders. Dont you eat cows in the moominvalley?:rofl: Edited October 9, 2009 by Baby_Buddha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fdh Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 Dont you eat cows in the moominvalley?:rofl: No I eat Baby Buddhas >.> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baby_Buddha Posted October 9, 2009 Author Share Posted October 9, 2009 hehe^^ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donnie Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 DONNIEISM. You have 2 cows. You marry one. You haz bay bay's Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fdh Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 HELLSGAMERISM You have two cows. You corrupt them both so that the goats leave. You make a jailbarn. Jailbarn is investigated by FDA for addictive side-effects. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I Love Lamp Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 HELMINISM You have two cows. You have them log on ventrilo and make loud, random noises in Lamp's channel. Lamp asks you to make your cows stop. You turn up their outbound volume. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GIR--_ Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 LAMPISM You have two cows. One cow dies automatically when in the hands of Lamp. The other cow is being healed but Lamp sucks and can't do anything right. Lamp gets yelled at and cuts himself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hobbes Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 Seriously, those cows have been going down hill ever since lamp started running them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smurfy Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 What do I do with all my left over cows? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fdh Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 GIRLISM You have two cows. You eat one mistaking it for a dog. You ban the other and it proceeds to ddos HELLSGAMERISM's cows. You make Terry Taco beef with banned cow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patr!ck Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 Helltonicism You have two cows One dies , the other one is named HG It turns into a little kid Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gracefail<3 Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 WARCRAFTISM All Cows + 10 Mana Points. Cows are slain due to their inability to become Chickens. Cows respawn in 3.8 seconds. Cows catch fire due to being on World of Warcraft. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ttaM Posted October 10, 2009 Share Posted October 10, 2009 Seriously, those cows have been going down hill ever since lamp started running them. ROFL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rudabaga Posted October 10, 2009 Share Posted October 10, 2009 GIRLISMYou have two cows. You eat one mistaking it for a dog. You ban the other and it proceeds to ddos HELLSGAMERISM's cows. You make Terry Taco beef with banned cow. I think this one wins.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Venom! Posted October 10, 2009 Share Posted October 10, 2009 Agree Lacka shit made me ROFL! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baby_Buddha Posted October 23, 2009 Author Share Posted October 23, 2009 Update: A Republican- You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. Who cares? A Democrate- You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous. A Mexican Corporation- You think you have two cows, but you don't know what a cow looks like. You take a siesta. A Brazilian Corporation- You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American Corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American Corporation declares bankruptcy. A Taliban Corporation- You have two cows. You turn them loose in the Afghan "countryside" and they both die. You blame the godless American infidels. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baby_Buddha Posted October 23, 2009 Author Share Posted October 23, 2009 AN ISRAELI CORPORATION: There are these two Jewish cows, right? They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baby_Buddha Posted October 23, 2009 Author Share Posted October 23, 2009 AUSTRALIANISM: You have two cows. You take one to the beach and teach it to surf, then you bung the other one on the barbie, drink some VB, and laugh at the idea of a surfing cow. BAHRAINISM: You have two cows. Some high government official steals one, milks it, sells the milk and pockets the profit. The government tells you there is just one cow and not enough milk for the people. The people riot and scream death to the government and carry Iranian flags. The Parliament, after thinking for 11 months, decides to employ ten Bahrainis to milk all the cows at the same time to cut back on unemployment. BITCHISM: You're a cow! CENTRALISM: You have two cows. And a problem finding them in the middle of the field with 100,000,000 other cows. DEMOCRACY -- AMERICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk and then blame Japan while border guards beat up Mexicans sneaking into the country. People are outraged for a week or so and then go back to televised sports where there's no violence. LIBERTARIANISM: Go away. What I do with my cows is none of your business. SIMPSONISM: Don't have a cow man! UNITED NATIONISM: You have two cows. France vetoes you from milking them. The United States and Britain veto the cows from milking you. New Zealand abstains. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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