Bible Of Love

[dizyvipr]

I wrote this today upon request of a few people who have been having relationship issues.

Just figured I'd share it a bit of everywhere I could.

Warning...It's long.

 

PROLOGUE

 

So many people lately have been coming to me seeking advice about their love lives, and others I have had to make

 

open up to me about what's bothering them. In all cases, though, I have tried and tried to give the best advice to

 

them as possible. 9 times out of 10, they either just didn't take my advice. The other day I gave just about the

 

best advice I could ever possibly give, right from the heart, and it made me think about all the times I've

 

attempted helping people - how often they just ignore my advice. Then, it hit me. Rather than just sitting around

 

and waiting for people to come back to me about the same problem they've been having for the last two years or even

 

longer, why not just write something up that I can refer them to when they need more advice? Thus, this brilliant

 

idea came forth to write what is (very appropriately) named the Love Bible. Before you freak out . . . no . . .

 

this is not going to be religious. This is simply words from the heart of a woman who hates seeing people

 

distressed over something like love. Therefore, this will be a collection of my thoughts, true facts, and personal

 

feelings that have already helped one person immensely and I hope will help many others. So, let's begin, shall we?

 

 

Chapter I: Marriage

 

Some of you may be thinking right now "Why start with Marriage? Doesn't that usually come after everything else?"

 

While that may be true in modern day it was not true before the 18th century. I know, I know "Well this isn't the

 

18th century anymore" But, this is necessary to make a point. Up until the 18th century Arranged Marriages were

 

pretty common, and in a lot of areas it was the only type of marriage. Parents would go meet up with other parents

 

who would then discuss things like "Let's set your daughter up with our son." I'm sure there was a whole lot more

 

discussing involved and a lot of planning and arranging, but that is, at the moment, irrelevant. A young girl was

 

married off to a young man (sometimes not so young) by the decision of the parents. They didn't get the choice in

 

who they were going to be with. They didn't bump into each other at the mall, or a bar. They didn't text all night,

 

giggling to themselves. They didn't talk for hours and hours on end about them to their friends. They didn't go on

 

several dates and fall "madly in love" then agree to get married. It just didn't happen that way. They were wedded

 

by their parents and then expected to make babies. Because of this, "Love" was something that they had to build

 

from scratch. A lot of times the newly weds hadn't even met before - so they had nothing to go on. A lot of people

 

complain that divorces have increased a lot since times like these, but that's only because people now have the

 

right to get divorced. Back before the women's rights movements and movements by various international

 

organizations caused riots and held strikes against arranged marriage, things like 'divorce' didn't typically

 

happen. After marriage became autonomous (AKA where you marry because you love someone. It is entirely your choice)

 

66% of divorces up until 2010 were the woman's choice. Since then that percent increased to 76% in 2012. When

 

arranged marriage was still popular (and in some places still is) the women didn't have the right to leave the

 

marriage for any reason - even abuse by the husband - and were stoned, lost fingers or a nose or various other

 

parts, and even executed for anything in the marriage going wrong (I.E. fleeing the marriage [or getting "cold

 

feet" as some put it], cheating on the husband, even something like not doing what they're told to do could get a

 

woman in trouble). Anyways, point is: once in a marriage you (women) couldn't just walk out. No matter how bad your

 

relationship was you had to suffer in silence and put up with it. You had to be strong and continue to build on the

 

relationship no matter what. Well, it was either work really hard on building a love from scratch or just withdraw

 

into yourself - or the option of extreme pain that no one wants to think about. There was no easy button and there

 

was no escape like there is now - unless you wanted to be executed.

 

Today, there is a such thing as dating, blind dates, speed dates, 'date crazy' at the local clubs, bumping into the

 

cute boys at the mall and "love at first sight" (Which is bullshit in my personal opinion). The terms 'boyfriend'

 

and 'girlfriend' are thrown around everywhere and love now even a price on it. Marriage is a scam, and people use

 

'dating' as an excuse to be with someone without making the commitment or having to be dedicated solely to them.

 

 

Chapter II: Commitment

 

I believe that Love is something that can not be put under restrictions and it is not something that just comes to

 

people. I've had a lot of people tell me that they were head over heels for someone only to turn around not so long

 

later and think to themselves that they don't feel the same. A lot of people feel crazy over someone and so get

 

into a relationship and do the whole "oh i love you, you're perfect, we'll be together forever" then turn around

 

and end up single and don't know why. Simple: Commitment. Love doesn't just come and stay by our side forever. It

 

withers and fades a little each minute. Think of it like a flame: If you don't take proper care of it, it will

 

eventually burn out. Love is the same way. You must add the coal, the wood, the proper items to make the base of

 

the fire...and then you must light the flame. Sometimes it'll flare right up and other times it starts off small

 

and gradually grows bigger. But, unless you care for it every hour, every minute, it will eventually be gone and

 

all you will have as a reminder is the ashes on the ground and the delusion that once your face felt hot. In order

 

for a relationship to work you must be committed to making it work. Even when it gets hard, even when it gets to be

 

too much - you have to be strong and you have to keep fighting. Love is a hit and go feeling that requires a lot of

 

nurturing and attention and dedication. If you can not apply any of those things then it will not last. If you

 

don't occasionally add a log to the fire carefully and in the right position then the fire will burn out. Likewise,

 

if you throw a log on the fire carelessly it will also burn out. Love isn't supposed to be easy. It never has been

 

and it never will be. If it were easy then it wouldn't really be love, now would it? I've seen people get a divorce

 

or break up over something as simple as an argument. Even I have done it. But, people have differences and

 

different opinions. Because of this there will always be arguments. There will always be war between two countries

 

who have different views on things. There will always be religions out there trying to kill each other off because

 

one God is the real god and the other gods are fake. Of course, I know nothing of any kind of Gods, so I won't dig

 

much deeper into that one. Point is: Shit happens. You will argue with your lover or your spouse. You will have

 

differences and argue over those differences unless you find someone who is in every way shape and form your exact

 

carbon copy. But, you must pull yourself together and compromise with them. Otherwise you will not learn from it

 

and you will walk away from a potentially good thing. You may think you are in the right - and hey, maybe you were

 

during the fight - but the second you chose to walk away because of an argument you are in the wrong. We are only

 

Human. We will do stupid things and make mistakes. I'm not saying forgive every stupid thing your significant other

 

does...but if there is no communication and if you can not compromise then there is no point in trying with them or

 

with any one else for that matter. Both people involved in a relationship must put in their ALL. You can't tango

 

with yourself. Commitment is hard and tiring and it sometimes even hurts emotionally, but giving up is not the

 

answer. If you love someone then give it your all to build that love strong. If you really can't take it anymore

 

and you feel like you're about to break down then rest for a bit - and NO I don't mean see other people or call off

 

the relationship for a bit - but just stop taking everything so seriously for a while and breathe. If your

 

significant other really loves you, too, then they will give you the time you need to build yourself back up.

 

 

Chapter III: Recognition

 

Now, I mentioned abuse and staying strong and compromise and all that good stuff. I want to be clear about this

 

before we go any farther: Law has given the gift of divorce. I'm sure you're all like "What? But you were just

 

saying to hang in there and that love took hard work." This is true, HOWEVER you must be able to recognize a good

 

thing from a bad thing. Some great examples of this would be abusive relationships. I'm not just talking about

 

being beaten to a bloody pulp, either. Both physical and mental abuse and verbal abuse. If your significant other

 

is beating you, calling you names that make you hate yourself, or doing things that make you suffer immensely - and

 

I don't mean simply pissing you off, I mean deep shit that makes you consider suicide or think you are worthless or

 

worse - then it is a bad relationship and they are not worth your time. GET OUT OF IT. This is the blessing that

 

human rights by law have given us. The ability to walk out of relationships and marriages when you are starting to

 

turn black and blue on the inside or the out. This pretty much covers anything from them hurting you, or making

 

your hurt yourself, or even hurting themselves and breaking you to pieces mentally over it. THIS IS NOT OKAY. None

 

of them are alright in ANY book. A relationship takes TWO people who feel equally WORTHY and feel the other is

 

WORTHY of love and dedication. Not one person who is trying to love the other but only gets abused in return - no

 

matter the kind of abuse. By the way: Yes, an on again and off again relationship DOES COUNT AS ABUSE. Ignorance is

 

NOT bliss. In order for you to be truly happy you need to be able to recognize a good thing from a bad thing, and

 

recognize when you can take something and turn it into a good thing with hard work. Again, I won't say it will be

 

easy because IT WON'T BE. Anyone who tells you that it gets easier is a liar and you better down right tell them

 

that they are wrong. Nothing is easy. Everything requires hard work and dedication. If you can't put in that hard

 

work and dedication then you will never be happy - unless that does make you happy...I guess. If you are in an

 

abusive relationship then get out as fast as you can. If you are scared or you need help because it's hard - and in

 

a lot of cases it will be very hard to get out of a relationship like that then seek out guidance from friends or even the police. If you're scared then

 

definitely go to the police first. But, if it's just hard on you ask your friends to be right there for you or even

 

your parents or other adult figures (parents of friends, aunts, uncles, adults you know). You could be 15 or 40

 

trying to get out of a bad relationship, it doesn't matter - seek help from others.

 

Now, I'll be blunt: Your knight in shining armor doesn't exist. Your sleeping princess isn't waiting for true

 

love's first kiss. You won't find Rapunzel locked in a tower, Charming won't slay a dragon in your name, and the

 

only person you're gonna find riding on a handsome white steed is some sexy cowboy or cowgirl. Fair Tales do not

 

exist. As such, don't rely so heavily on them. Don't expect everything to be perfect like in the story books. And,

 

if something seems to good to be true? It probably is. There are too many people out there who can say all the

 

right things, who can act like your Prince Charming or your Cinderella...but don't be deceived. RECOGNIZE when

 

someone is acting fake. Don't just jump into a relationship because it seems like the thing to do when your heart

 

flutters. Get to REALLY know the person first. If they throw a fit over it then...oh well. They obviously don't

 

need to be your lover. If they stay by your side and continue to fight for you then give it a shot. I won't say it

 

will end badly or that it will even well, but if you are too cautious you will miss your mark and if you are too

 

reckless then you will only be hurting yourself.

 

 

Chapter IV: Sharing the Blame

 

Also: On the note of hurting yourself and on again off again relationships. What's that saying? "Fool me once,

 

shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me?" If you're still complaining about how a certain someone hasn't changed

 

and they're still hurting you just like they have the last twenty times you were together then I have no sympathy

 

for you and no one else should, either. I know, that sounds harsh, but if people have tried to help you and they

 

have given you all the advice they could and you disregarded ALL of it, then it is your fault. It's not even

 

partially the other person's fault, anymore. "But, it's their fault for not changing. I gave them a chance

 

because they said things would be different from the last sixt-eight times we were together. Besides, you just said

 

that love requires hard work and sometimes it breaks you." Let me explain everything that is wrong with that. For

 

starters, you can't expect people to change. You should love someone for THEM. Not for who you WANT them to be.

 

Again, everyone has differences. You will fight. You will argue. It happens. You can't expect to people to change

 

for you if you won't change dramatically for them. Secondly, if you keep trying and trying and they are not putting

 

in any effort to make things between the two of you better - or vice versa - then cop out. Be done with the person.

 

Clearly, it's not worth keeping the relationship. On that note: AGAIN I AM NOT SAYING TO JUST LEAVE IF SHIT GETS A

 

LITTLE HARD. But, on again and off again relationships aren't worth saving in my opinion. Now, if there is serious

 

issues that happened in the past that caused you two to break up a few times but you are both willing to try and

 

make things better then by all means give it your all. But, if it's just NOT WORKING then that sounds like a really

 

big red flag to me. Keep in mind that you also need to know when to see that it is your fault, too. This is

 

covering EVERYTHING, not just on again and off again relationships. If you start an argument then it is

 

automatically your fault - yes, even if you really are right about the topic of argument - but, if they start

 

fighting you back then it is their fault, too. Same goes the other way around. It takes two to argue, and so in my

 

eyes it makes both parties equally guilty. You may be angry and they may be hurting you, but they are angry and

 

you're hurting them, too. If you always think you are right - or they always think they are right - it's not going

 

to work out very well and you will be constantly arguing over every little thing. Again: COMPROMISE. Love isn't a

 

game of tug-o-war. Being able to admit that you were in the wrong, too, will make things that much easier and

 

better for you both. If your significant other gets angry that you're trying to say you were both in the wrong,

 

then kindly have one of your friends (or do it yourself) inform them that they need to step down off their high

 

horse and pull their head out of their ass.

 

 

Chapter V: Arguments

 

Arguments happen when two people are not seeing eye-to-eye. This is normal, of course. Different experiences in our

 

lives, different ways we were raised, different things we've learned in the time we've been alive, different things

 

we have seen...these all are what make us decide that we like something or that we don't like something. All of

 

that is what makes us who we are - and makes us different. Even if on the surface we may seem exactly alike we all

 

have had a different past from the next person. In an argument you may truly believe you are right - but so might

 

the other person. Because of the differences in thought and the different way you see things you may both truly

 

believe you are in the right and unless you can bring yourselves to meet in the middle and see at an even level

 

then the argument will only rage on until one or the other walks away. Of course, that being said, if you are both

 

too fired up to back down - like me when i'm getting into an argument - then just keep arguing until you finally

 

walk away or the other person does. Give each other some space to think and calm down and then apologize, admit

 

that you were BOTH in the wrong and try explaining why you felt you were in the right AND GIVE THEM A CHANCE TO DO

 

THE SAME. It won't work unless you BOTH know where the other was coming from. And - low and behold - knowing the

 

other's feelings will help give you a little insight into their life and thoughts and help you to understand them

 

better the next time you disagree about something.

 

 

Chapter VI: True Love

 

Touching a second on the 'Fairy Tale Love' thing again: IT DOESN'T EXIST. True Love, however, does. It's not quite

 

the same thing as what everyone else imagines it to be, though. It's not the lovey-dovey-cudley-kissey-romancey-

 

heart fluttery-roses on your doorstepy kind of shit. Yeah, that's cute and romantic, but it doesn't DEFINE true

 

love. I mean, who wouldn't love roses on their doorstep every morning? Unless you don't like roses. Then I can

 

understand that. But, I'm getting off track again. Love won't just come to you. Yes, even if you SWEAR up and down

 

that it's true love and you'll be together forever. The only way that will ever really be true is if you've spent

 

more than a day knowing the person and through blood, sweat, tears, and broken bits you have given your absolute

 

all into the relationship and your significant other has done the same. You can't really love someone unless you've

 

been through pretty much everything with each other - heart ache, extreme happiness, heaven, hell, and things I

 

don't even want to try and imagine - and make it out unbroken, hand in hand and stronger than ever. Every day you

 

have to work tirelessly to build up your love. Every night it will begin to wither away. When the sun comes back up

 

you will have to work on it all over again. "So, then what's the point of even trying?" Well, answering that isn't

 

exactly simple. You don't NEED love to be happy. It won't kill you to go your life without it. It's not your

 

oxygen, losing it won't stop your heart, and it's possible to live a long and happy life without having it. I can't

 

sit here and give you a million reasons of why you should love someone because the only difference it will make in

 

your life is that you will be sharing your life with someone. But, if you don't want to put in the effort then who

 

am I to judge? I won't pretend it is worth it because, simply put, to some people it is not worth it. Some people

 

are perfectly happy being alone. I can't say I can relate to them but I know there are people like that out there.

 

Love only gives you the chance the share your life, your experiences with someone. Someone to become one with. It's

 

not a necessity. It gives some people a reason to love life and others one more reason to enjoy the life they

 

already love. It gives a chance to start your own family (which I suppose you can do without being in love). But,

 

to each their own. This bible isn't me trying to convince anyone to be in love. You do whatever you want to. This

 

is just me sharing my own two cents on what I believe about Love and hoping that someone, somewhere, will grow a

 

little from it and be a bit happier in their relationship.

 

 

Chapter VII: Conclusion AKA tl;dr

 

I can't really sum this up without excluding a lot of little details I have mentioned in this bible, but basically

 

the gist of this is that Love requires hard work, communication, dedication, compromise, and the willingness to

 

share your blood, sweat, and tears with your significant other. Honestly, I've had hell with relationships in my

 

past so I keep thinking to myself "I'm never successful in relationships, why am I giving advice?" But, I think the

 

reason I feel I can come out and say all of this is BECAUSE of all of the different and failing relationships I've

 

had. From each relationship I learned a little more, grew a little more, and eventually I came up with the reason

 

of why they weren't working. By bringing all of this up I want to be able to save a few people from losing the one

 

person who could be "the one" and maybe share a little insight to those who are still trying to figure out what it

 

takes to be in a real relationship. We're all still so young, though. There's no reason for anyone to take

 

everything seriously 100% of the time. If you can't have fun then what's the point? Get a little crazy. Go do

 

something stupid. We're only Human. Weigh the good times and the bad in your relationship, just think on it for a

 

while. If your distress outweighs your happiness then maybe you should look somewhere else. Or, if you aren't

 

content with that, then perhaps sit your partner down and discuss the flaws in your relationship. Don't make it

 

sound like everything is their fault. Remember: it's both of your fault things aren't going right. Share the blame.

 

Come to a compromise and test it out. Give it a while. If things still aren't working then it's up to you to decide

 

where to go from there. But, just remember: breathe

[Dynas]

I didn't read through the entire post but I think I can summarize this a lot nicer. Please correct me if I'm wrong.

 

I believe you're trying to tell everyone that there's different kinds of love. In fact there's four different kinds of love.

 

1.) Brotherly Love

2.) Friendship Love

3.) Romantic Love

4.) Unconditional Love

 

For the most you focus in on the last two: romantic love and unconditional love. To me you're trying to say that people "fall in love" and sooner or later they lose that "feeling" and get divorced or leave a relationship because they don't "feel" in love anymore. This is describing Romantic Love which is a sexual type of love or pleasurable.

 

You're saying however people need to realize that a long-term relationship needs to have unconditional love. Unconditional love is pretty self-explanatory, you love someone no matter what. Which means you need to have forgiveness in a relationship, and for many people this is hard. People want everything to be easy nowadays. They want their love to be like the movies.

 

Real, unconditional love you have to work for. This is the kind of love that makes relationships last.

[darkside1016]

Nice read.

 

[dizyvipr]

I didn't read through the entire post but I think I can summarize this a lot nicer. Please correct me if I'm wrong.

 

I believe you're trying to tell everyone that there's different kinds of love. In fact there's four different kinds of love.

 

1.) Brotherly Love

2.) Friendship Love

3.) Romantic Love

4.) Unconditional Love

 

For the most you focus in on the last two: romantic love and unconditional love. To me you're trying to say that people "fall in love" and sooner or later they lose that "feeling" and get divorced or leave a relationship because they don't "feel" in love anymore. This is describing Romantic Love which is a sexual type of love or pleasurable.

 

You're saying however people need to realize that a long-term relationship needs to have unconditional love. Unconditional love is pretty self-explanatory, you love someone no matter what. Which means you need to have forgiveness in a relationship, and for many people this is hard. People want everything to be easy nowadays. They want their love to be like the movies.

 

Real, unconditional love you have to work for. This is the kind of love that makes relationships last.

 

Yes yes. Thank you That is what I am saying.

[HAL]

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