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Funny Joke Thread


Anthony
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A man escapes from a prison where he’s been locked up for 15 years.

He breaks into a house and inside, he finds a young couple in bed.

He ties him to a chair. While tying the wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he’s in there, the husband whispers over to his wife,

“Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He’s probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years.

I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain. Do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!â€

 

She responds: “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he’s gay, thinks you’re cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too.â€

 

I lol'd, thought I'd share in general.

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My Grandpa said "Your generation relies on too much technology!" i replied "No! your generation relies on too much technology!"

 

[spoiler='']Then i proceeded to unplug his life support

 

 

SEXIST JOKE V

 

[spoiler='']How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

None. Feminists can't change anything.

 

 

What do you call a female into small penis?

 

hopefully your girlfriend.

 

What's the difference between Jesus and A picture of Jesus?

 

It takes one nail to hang the picture.

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What's green and eats nuts?

 

Syphilis.

 

 

A guy goes to his doctor, complaining that he can't tell the difference between his pee and his cum. The doctor says "your problem is that you don't know if you're coming or going".

 

 

Why'd the semen cross the road?

 

I wore the wrong pair of socks.

 

 

Why did Sally fall off of the swing? Because she had no arms.

 

*Knock knock* Who's there? Not sally.

 

 

Life without women would be a pain in the ass.

 

 

What do you call a cheap circumcision?

 

A rip off.

 

 

What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?

 

*gag*

(Why is Cinderella blowing Lance Armstrong?)

 

 

Why was the letter C afraid of the other letters?

 

They were Not-C's.

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