I Fare You To Make My Sig-The Sequel

[WiNK TotEM]

I have to say going into this second attempt at soliciting an awesome signature that I do so with a little trepidation, because the first foray was so bittersweet. Bitter because I invested so much emotionally into the “monkey in an electric chair†idea and never saw it realized, but sweet because I gave several people the opportunity to use the eye-rolling gifs and clever comments they’d clearly been saving for the right time. And, I apparently gave birth to a “Hot†topic, evidenced by the little HOT icon next to the post, so that’s a W. Unfortunately for me, either the talent pool was not so deep, or everyone was afraid of the threat of a ban that was made by a particular mother-desecrating management member…hopefully, that will not be the case this time. I would like to give shoutouts to Deathshot, who submitted a brilliantly photoshopped picture of a random unathletic kid onto a sepia photo and to Spawnmatrix, who went international and probably violated copyright law by putting my name in nifty letters onto the Red Cross symbol. Well done, gentlemen. Also, an honorable mention to ASCII, who claims to have created something and posted it to Reddit; though there was no link to prove it existed, I always have a good time watching his avatar. Kudos.

 

Now, this latest idea (two options in the same genre) came about over a lunch of Arby’s Big Roast Beef sandwiches with a couple of PETA friends who I’ve convinced that Arby’s uses a reconstituted powder to make their roast beef and there’s really no meat in it at all. It’s so yummy with cheddar they don’t even question me. So we were thinking about ideas, and Germaine suggested anime, and I got so pissed I ate his biggest curly fry. Sure, the Japanese do some awesome animation, but everyone forgets that they also invented the Yakuza, vending machines that dispense soiled panties, and Godzilla, the world’s stupidest “scary†creature. I mean, seriously, the Cloverfield monster was 1000 times scarier, and you only saw it for about 26 seconds total the whole movie. Godzilla sucks. So what else do Japanese people do that pisses me off, but nobody ever talks about? They kill whales! I hate that crap, and so do a lot of people I don’t even like or want to be near because they have awful body odor. Anyway, it occurred to me, what better way to raise consciousness about the slaughter of these fine creatures and spur robust discussion than to incorporate it into my signature! So this is what I am requesting:

 

Option A: I would like a gif of a deckhand on board a whaling vessel cutting away a chunk of whale flesh and when he removes it, you see my name in dark letters (black or burgundy) against the lighter red meat surface. I know, awesome, right?

 

Option B: I would like a gif of a guy getting a direct hit with one of those foredeck harpoon guns, and upon impact, the whale blasts my name out of his blowhole, and it hangs in the air above him. Hard to decide which is better, I know.

 

Remember, this is to stir up debate and make people think, because that’s what Al Gore invented the internet for in the first place. Just in case, I searched the management lists and could not find anyone named “HG-Greenpeace†or “HG-I♥Whales,†so I hope not to offend anyone this time. If I do, I apologize and submit this final option:

 

Just put my name in Comic Sans Bold 25-point on the below picture. Here’s the challenge, though---I want the letters to be in the color of the rainbow, and since there are nine letters in my name and only SEVEN colors in ROYGBIV, you’ve got to do some serious thinking about how you’re going to make that work! Good luck and message me when your submission is ready!

 

 

PS- I will also accept the Budweiser frogs croaking my name.

Edited April 27, 2014 by WiNK TotEM