Cal45 Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 (edited) Well, I just spent the last 2 hours in the police station and got interviewed by 3 different news crews. Those of you in Colorado can watch it on the big 3 channels at 11. I'm okay other than a busted knuckle. Holy shit talk about nuts.. I was in town and decided to grab some Chick-Fil-A. I was going to go through the drive thru, but I was starving and wanted to eat inside. I go in and everything seems perfectly normal. There are about three people in line in front of me and a teenage couple behind me. Just as the first guy is turning around to go to his seat, I hear a male voice shout "Get the fuck on the floor NOW!" The teenage girl screamed and as I turned around, I saw this mid 50's White guy butt her in the face with what looked like a sawed off 12 gauge Remington shotgun. Everyone quickly started hitting the floor as I helped her sit up. I don't know why I did what I did next, but instead of laying down like everyone else (I was on one knee), I sprang up and grabbed the barrel, well the pump, of the the shotgun. I slammed it right into the bridge of his nose. The guy fell back into the trash cans (Letting go of the weapon). At this point I kicked guy square in the face about 4 times. He was out of it, but he said one thing- "Where the fuck did you come from?!!" I looked at this POS and said- In West Philadelphia born and raised, On the playground is where I spent most of my days. Chillin' out max and relaxin' shootin' some b-ball outside of the school when a couple o' guys that were up to no good, started makin' trouble in my neighborhood. I got in one little fight and my mom got scared and said, "You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air." I whistled for a cab and when it came near, license plate said FRESH, had a dice in the mirror. If anything, I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought, "Man, forget it." Yo-holmes, to Bel Air!" I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 and I yelled to the cabbie "Peace holmes, smell ya later!" I looked at my kingdom, I was finally there. To sit on my throne, as the Prince of Bel Air. Edited April 2, 2012 by Cal45 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Prodigy Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 Well that's insane! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BranHorse Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 I just died from laughing Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LazaHorse Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 I knew the entire time that it was gonna be an April Fool's Bit... but you being a cop makes it unfairly convincing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mccaincracker Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 Bahah Cal. Got me at first since i knew you were a cop.. then i got midway through XD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SyNc Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 (edited) lmaolmao Edited April 2, 2012 by mccaincracker Too long. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
diK Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 Rofl good one man Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExGBrian Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 Lmfao Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weeman Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cal45 Posted April 2, 2012 Author Share Posted April 2, 2012 Is it sync's post that is messing up the formatting of this thread? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scott Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 I actually wanted to see this on the news. Dangit Cal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LazaHorse Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 Is it sync's post that is messing up the formatting of this thread? Pretty sure it's your gayness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rick Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 (edited) I AM WILL I MOVED TO BEL AIR WITH MY AUNT AND UNCLE AND IMMEDIATELY I NOTICED THE FAMILY WAS VERY CLEAN LOOKING UNLIKE MY MOM WHO WAS ALWAYS LOOKING LIKE SHIT AND I DIDNT KNOW MANY GIRLS IN PHILLY ANYWAY THE FAMILY WAS GREAT AND I HAD LOTS OF FOOD AND NEW FRIENDS.ONE DAY CARLTON WAS WALKING IN THE HOUSE AND I LOVED HOW HE SMELLED CAUSE HE WORE AFTERSHAVE SO I TOLD HIM TO COME HERE CAUSE THEDRYER NEEDED TO BE FIXED OR SOMETHING BUT I MADE IT UP AND WHEN HE WAS IN HALLWAY TOWARDS DRYER ROOM I ELBOWED HIS TEMPLE AND HE SLAMMED AGAINST THE WALL AND FELL TO THE FLOOR AND WOULDNT GET UPI SAID YO CARLTON GET UP IT WAS JUST A JOKEBUT HE DIDNT MOVESO I WENT UPSTAIRS AND ATE SOME VANILLA COOKIES THEY HAD SITTING AROUND TO THINK OF MY PLAN AND THEN THE BUTLER GUY CAME IN I FORGOT HIS NAME BECAUSE I WAS SO TENSE AND HE SAID DONT EAT COOKIES CAUSE IT WILL SPOIL MY DINNERSO I THREW THE COOKIES IN HIS FACE AND RAN UPSTAIRSBAN ME PLEASE uPSTAIRS I SAW HILARYS ROOM WAS OPENED BUT I IGNORED THAT AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM AND TOOK A GOOD SHIT CAUSE OF THE VANILLA COOKIES AND STUFF SO THEN I REALIZED OH FUCK I LEFT CARLTON DOWNSTAIRS AND ITS BEEN LIKE 10 to 15 MINZSO I QUICKLY GOT UP WITH A SHIT HANGING FROM MY ASS LOOKED LIKE A TAIL CAUSE IT WAS THE COLOR OF MY SKIN BUT IF I HAD EATEN FRUITIE PEBBLES IT WOULDVE BEEN GREEN AND PEOPLE WOULDVE NOTICEDBUT ANYWAY I RAN DOWN STAIRS AND CARLTON WASNT ON THE FLOOR ANYMOREWHEN I WENT TO FIND CARLTON I FOUND HIM IN THE KITCHEN WITH AN ICEPACK ON HIS HEAD AND HE SAID WILL WHY DID YOU DO THAT AND I SAID I TRIPPED AND HE BELIEVED ME SO I TOLD HIM TO COME UPSTAIRS AFTER HE FEELS BETTERAS HE WAS WALKING UP THE STAIRS BEHIND ME I TURNED AROUND AND BACKED INTO HIM SO THE SHIT HANGING AS TAIL FROM MY ASS GOT ON HIS SHIRT BUT I BACKED UP TOO FAR AND CARLTON FELL DOWN THE STAIRSI TURNED AROUND AND SAw THAT HE WASNT MOVING AGAINBUT I EXPECTED THAT HE WOULD BE IN THE KITCHEN AGAIN WITH ANOTHER ICETHIS TIME I WENT INTO HILARYS ROOM BUT SHE WASNT THERE SO I TRIED TO GO BACK TO THE BATHROOM BUT IT WAS LOCKED AND I SAID YO OPEN UP AND HILARY WAS INSIDE SO I WAS LIKE YO ITS THE POLICE AND I KICKED THE DOOR OPEN BUT IT DIDNT OPEN AND I REALLY HURT MY LEGSO I WAS GONNA GET REVENGE FOR THATAND I REALKLY HAD TO PEESO I LIED DOWN ON THE FLOOR SIDE WAYS AND PULLED MY PENIS TILL IT GOT A LITTLE LONGERAND STUCK IT UNDER CRACK OF DOORAND STARTED TO PEEAND HILARY WAS SCREAMING WILL NOT AGAIN AND I STARTED TO DO SHIT TOO BUT MY BUTT WAS FACING THE OTHER WAY SO IT GOT ON THE CARPET AND NOT IN THE BATHROOMANyway CARLTON CAME UPSTAIRS LIKE I EXPECTED AND HE SAW ME AND KIND OF SIGHED AND WENT TO HIS ROOMSO I GOT UP AND WENT TO HIS ROOM AND BANGED OPEN THE DOOR AND ASKED HIM WHY HE SIGHEDAND HE EXPLAINED IT AND THEN HE WAS IN HIS UNDERWEAR CAUSE IT WAS REALLY HOT THAT DAYSO I FOUND A BASKETBALL IN HIS CLOSET AND SAID YO CATCH AND THREW IT ON HIS HEAD AND HE FELL BACK ON HIS BED AND DIDNT MOVEI WENT TO ASHLEYS ROOM AND SHE WAS WEARING A HAT BACKWARDS SO I TOLD HER THAT WAS RIGHT AND THEN HILARY FINALLY LEFT THE BATHROOM SO I WENT IN BUT I HAD NO PEE OR SHIT ANYMORE SO I CAME OUT AGAIN BUT ALMOST SLIPPED ON THE FLOOR THAT STUPID HILARY DIDNT CLEAN WHILE SHE WAS IN THEREANYWAY I WENT TO HER ROOM AND SHE WAS IN TOWEL AND SHE WAS TAKING IT OFF AND I WAS BEHIND HER AND SHE COULD SEE ME SO I KICKED HER IN THE SPINE ABOVE HER ASSAND SHE FELL ONTO HER BED SCREAMING WILL!!!!!!! AND THEN I LEFT THE ROOM AND CAME BACK IN PRETENDING I JUST WALKED IN AND SAID YO WHATS WRONG?AND SHE SAID WILL YOU KICKED ME IN THE BACK AND I SAID NO AND THEN I RAN TO CARLTONS ROOM GOT THE BASKETBALL AND BROUGHT IT BACK TO HER ROOM AND SAID YO LOOK I WAS PLAYING BE BALL AND SHE TURNED AROUND WITH HER TOWEL OFF TO LOOK AT THE B BALL AND I SAID SEE? YO CATCH AND I THREW IT AT HER FACE AND HER NOSE TOTALLY EXPLODEDI WALKED OUT OF THE ROOM AND SAW THAT ASHLEY WAS IN HER ROOM LISTENING TO MUSIC AND THEN THE CALL CAME FROM DOWNSTAIRS DINNAH IS READY THE BUTLER SAID SO I WENT DOWN STAIRS AHEAD OF EVERYONE AND HE SERVED SOME BIG BIRDAT THE TABLE UNCLE ASKED HILARY WHATH APPENED TO HER NOSE AND AUNTI ASKED CONSTANTINE OR WHATEVER HIS NAME IS WHAT HE DID THE WHOLE DAY AND HE SAID HE COULDNT REMEMBER AND BEFORE HILARY COULD TELL THAT I HAD THROWN BASKETBALL IN HER FACE I RAN OVER TABLE AND WHISPERED TO HER THAT ID DO ANY FAVOR FOR HER IF SHE DIDNT TELLSO SHE DIDNT TELL AND UNCLE SAID WILL WHAT DID YOU SAY TO HER? AND I SAID A SECRET ANYWAY I FINISHED MY MEAL AND UNCLE SAID THERE ARE NO SECRETS AMONG FAMILY IN THIS HOUSE AND I SAID WHAT ABOUT YOU AND CARLTON AND LAUGHED AND RAN UP StaiRS BUT BEFORE I GOT TO THE TOP STAIR I WENT YOANYWAY EVERYONE WAS SETTLING DOWN AND UNCLE AND AUNTY WERE IN THEIR ROOMS AND EVERYONE WAS IN THEIR ROOMSSO I WENT DOWNSTAIRS TO THE BUTLERS ROOM AND HE WAS WATCHING TV WITH ONLY HIS TOP ONAND I SAID YO WAHTS UP AND HE SAID JUST WATCHING TV MR WILL AND I SAID YOUR COCK LOOKs LIKE RAISEN BUT I KICKED HIS TV LIKE A HORSE AND PULLED UP HIS SHIRT AND BIT HIS STOMACH REALLY HARD TILL BLOOD CAME OUT AND HE SCREAMED AND I LEFTSO I FOUND A BASKETBALL IN HIS CLOSET AND SAID YO CATCH AND THREW IT ON HIS HEAD AND HE FELL BACK ON HIS BED AND DIDNT MOVEI WENT TO ASHLEYS ROOM AND SHE WAS WEARING A HAT BACKWARDS SO I TOLD HER THAT WAS RIGHT AND THEN HILARY FINALLY LEFT THE BATHROOM SO I WENT IN BUT I HAD NO PEE OR SHIT ANYMORE SO I CAME OUT AGAIN BUT ALMOST SLIPPED ON THE FLOOR THAT STUPID HILARY DIDNT CLEAN WHILE SHE WAS IN THEREANYWAY I WENT TO HER ROOM AND SHE WAS IN TOWEL AND SHE WAS TAKING IT OFF AND I WAS BEHIND HER AND SHE COULD SEE ME SO I KICKED HER IN THE SPINE ABOVE HER ASSAND SHE FELL ONTO HER BED SCREAMING WILL!!!!!!! AND THEN I LEFT THE ROOM AND CAME BACK IN PRETENDING I JUST WALKED IN AND SAID YO WHATS WRONG?AND SHE SAID WILL YOU KICKED ME IN THE BACK AND I SAID NO AND THEN I RAN TO CARLTONS ROOM GOT THE BASKETBALL AND BROUGHT IT BACK TO HER ROOM AND SAID YO LOOK I WAS PLAYING BE BALL AND SHE TURNED AROUND WITH HER TOWEL OFF TO LOOK AT THE B BALL AND I SAID SEE? YO CATCH AND I THREW IT AT HER FACE AND HER NOSE TOTALLY EXPLODEDI WALKED OUT OF THE ROOM AND SAW THAT ASHLEY WAS IN HER ROOM LISTENING TO MUSIC AND THEN THE CALL CAME FROM DOWNSTAIRS DINNAH IS READY THE BUTLER SAID SO I WENT DOWN STAIRS AHEAD OF EVERYONE AND HE SERVED SOME BIG BIRDAT THE TABLE UNCLE ASKED HILARY WHATH APPENED TO HER NOSE AND AUNTI ASKED CONSTANTINE OR WHATEVER HIS NAME IS WHAT HE DID THE WHOLE DAY AND HE SAID HE COULDNT REMEMBER AND BEFORE HILARY COULD TELL THAT I HAD THROWN BASKETBALL IN HER FACE I RAN OVER TABLE AND WHISPERED TO HER THAT ID DO ANY FAVOR FOR HER IF SHE DIDNT TELLSO SHE DIDNT TELL AND UNCLE SAID WILL WHAT DID YOU SAY TO HER? AND I SAID A SECRET ANYWAY I FINISHED MY MEAL AND UNCLE SAID THERE ARE NO SECRETS AMONG FAMILY IN THIS HOUSE AND I SAID WHAT ABOUT YOU AND CARLTON AND LAUGHED AND RAN UP StaiRS BUT BEFORE I GOT TO THE TOP STAIR I WENT YOAND THEN I LEFT THE ROOM WITH THE RAP STILL GOING THROUGH MY HEADAND I SEE ASHLEYS ROOM IS OPENED AND SHES ON HER BED AND SHE IS CRYINGSO I SAY YO ASHLEY WHATS UPAND BEFORE SHE CAN LOOK UP I SLAP HER SO HARD THAT THE LIGHTS IN THE ROOM FLICKER ON AND OFFLOL WELL SHE AINT CRYING NOW SO I LEFT THE ROOM AND WENT TO HILARYS ROOMBUT SHE WASNT THERESO I RAN DOWNSTAIRS CAUSE I HEARD THE FRIDGE OPENAND SHE WAS THERE IN A LONG T SHIRT LOOKING FOR A NIGHT TIME SNACKSO I SAID YO HILARYAND SHE SAID WHAT WILL?AND I SAID NOTHIN and went FFF to CONTROL MY LAUGHTER AND RAN UPSTAIRSI WENT TO CHECK ON UNCLE AND AUNTIE AND UNCLE WAS TRYING TO ROLL OUT OF BED AND AUNTIE WAS STILL HOLDING ONSO I SAID YO UNCLE LET ME HELP BUT WHEN I TRIED TO GET MY HANDS UNDER HIM HE ROLLED TOWARDS ME AND I HEARD CRACKING NOISESAND THEN I FELT IT AND I SCREAMED SO BIG THAT MY MOUTH FELT LIKE IT WAS GOING TO TEARI PULLED OUT MY BROKEN HANDS LIMP AND ALREADY STARTING TO SWELL AND I COULDNT FEEL ANYTHING SO I RAN OUT OF THE ROOM TO TELL CARLTON WHAT HAPPENEDHE SAID HE READ A BOOK ON REIKI HEALING AND HE SNAPPED MY HANDS BACK INTO PLACE SO TO TEST IT I SLAPPED HIMTHEY WERE BACK!THEN HILARY CAME INAND SAID WILL I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THAT FAVOR YOU PROMISEDAND SO WE WENT BACK TO HER ROOMAND SHE TOOK OFF HER T SHIRT AND SAID WILL I WANT YOU TO STOP BEING SUCH A MENACEAND I SAID THATS ONE THING I CANT DO AND I JUMPED AND KICKED HER IN THE NECK AND FELL ON MY HIPSHE WAS GASPING FOR AIR AND I DRAGGED MYSELF BACK TO CARLTON TO FIX MY HIPAND HE DID AND TO TEST IT THIS TIME I DID A HULA DANCE AND WENT TO ASHLEYS ROOMI SAW SHE WAS DOING HOMEWORK ON HER DESK OR WRITING SOMETHINGSO I WENT TO HER BED AND SHAT ON ITAND SNEAKED OUT OF HER ROOMHILARY RAN OUT OF HER ROOM NAKED AND SAID IM TELLING DAD AND I SAID GO AHEAD AND TELL THE FAT FUCK AND ANYWAY I WENT IN BEHIND HER AND UNCLE HAD GOTTEN UP AND WAS HELPING AUNTI BACK INSIDE THE ROOM AND EVERYONE WAS NAKEDI N THERE SO I LEFT AND SLAMMED THE DOOR AND SAID WEAR SOME CLOTHES YOU FUCKERS BUT I STILL WASNT WEARING PANTS SO I REMEMBERED THE BUTLER AND WENT DOWNSTAIRSHE WAS BANDAGING HIS STOMACH BITE WOUND SO I KEPT SLAPPING HIS HAND SO HE COULDNT FINISH AND THEN I TOOK ONE OF THE SHARDS FROM THE SMASHED TV THAT I HORSE KICKED AND SAID YO BRO WATCH OUT THERES AN ANT ON YOUR FACE AND I THREW THE SHARD INTO HIS FACE AND THEN REGRETTED THAT I SAID ANT AND NOT SPIDER AND THEN I TOOK THE SHARD OUT OF HIS FACE AND SAID YO ITSA SPIDER SORRY NOT AN ANT OH NOITS CRAWLING IN YOUR NOSE SO I STUCK THE SHARD IN HIS NOSE AND THEN HEARD SOME COMMOTION UPSTAIRS SO I PULLED IT OUT SIDEWAYS REALLY QUICK AND BUTLER SCREAMEDAND I RAN UPSTAIRS AND DROPPED THE SHARD ON THE STAIRS AND WENT TO ASHLEYS ROOM WHERE SHE WAS GETTING UNDRESSED TO GET IN HER SLEEP CLOTHES AND SHE HAD A LITTLE BODY SO I PICKED HER UP BY THE WAISTE AND THREW HER ACROSS THE ROOM AND TOWARDS THE WALL BUT IT WAS TOO HIGH AND SHE HIT THE ROOM LIGHT AT THE ROOF AND SHATTERED ITI RAN TO HILARYS ROOM AND SAW SHE WASNT THERE AND THEN I WENT TO CARLTON AND SAID ITS TIME FOR FAMILY MEETING SO I GOT HIM UP AND I TOOK HIM TO UNCLES ROOM WITH EVERYONE IN IT EXCEPT ASHLEY AND BUTLERI SAID YO WAIT HERE AND RAN BACK DOWNSTAIRS BUT THE SHARD GOT IN MY FOOT AND IT REALLY HURT SO I PULLED ITO UT AND GOT BUTLER AND THEN GOT ASHLEY AND EVERYONE I PUT THEM IN THE ROOMAND I SAID ONE FINAL TOUCH AND I RAN TO HILARIES ROOM AND GOT THE BASKETBALL AND BROUGHT IT BACK AND THEN THREW IT REALLY HARD AND IT HIT UNCLES FACE AND HE FELL OVER ON CARLTONS LEG AND CRUSHED IT AND UNCLES NOSE WAS BLEEDING AND I BENT AUNTI OVER AND SHE FARTED IN MY EYE SO I JUDO CHOPPED HER ANUS BUT IT DIDNT DO ANYTHING SO I KICKED HER IN BETWEEN HER BUT CHEEKS AND SHE SCREAMED AND FELL FORWARAND SLAMMED HER HEAD ON THE NIGHT STAND TABLE THAT HELD THE LAMP AND THEN I PICKED UP THE LAMP AND TURNED THE LIGHT OFF AND PULLED OUT THE CORD AND SET IT BACK ON THE TABLE BECAUSE THE ROOM LIGHT WAS ON WHY LWASTE ELECTRICITYTHEN I YAWNED AND WENT TO MY ROOM AND WENT TO SLEEPTHE END Edited April 2, 2012 by ^TheRumor^ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelloImKevin Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 Wasted 1min of my life Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
--------- Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 lmfao! None of you can spell mum, you all spell it mom. It's like saying mooooom! Silly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TropicaLStorM Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 Man! I was really into this story.. I was like what happened next! Then all of sudden I was like -.- I'm being trolled. You should be an author or something. Lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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