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Just disabled an armed robber in Chick-fil-a... Still got adrenaline pumping....


Cal45
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Well, I just spent the last 2 hours in the police station and got interviewed by 3 different news crews. Those of you in Colorado can watch it on the big 3 channels at 11. I'm okay other than a busted knuckle.

 

Holy shit talk about nuts.. I was in town and decided to grab some Chick-Fil-A. I was going to go through the drive thru, but I was starving and wanted to eat inside. I go in and everything seems perfectly normal. There are about three people in line in front of me and a teenage couple behind me. Just as the first guy is turning around to go to his seat, I hear a male voice shout "Get the fuck on the floor NOW!" The teenage girl screamed and as I turned around, I saw this mid 50's White guy butt her in the face with what looked like a sawed off 12 gauge Remington shotgun. Everyone quickly started hitting the floor as I helped her sit up. I don't know why I did what I did next, but instead of laying down like everyone else (I was on one knee), I sprang up and grabbed the barrel, well the pump, of the the shotgun. I slammed it right into the bridge of his nose. The guy fell back into the trash cans (Letting go of the weapon). At this point I kicked guy square in the face about 4 times. He was out of it, but he said one thing- "Where the fuck did you come from?!!" I looked at this POS and said- In West Philadelphia born and raised, On the playground is where I spent most of my days. Chillin' out max and relaxin' shootin' some b-ball outside of the school when a couple o' guys that were up to no good, started makin' trouble in my neighborhood. I got in one little fight and my mom got scared and said, "You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air." I whistled for a cab and when it came near, license plate said FRESH, had a dice in the mirror. If anything, I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought, "Man, forget it." Yo-holmes, to Bel Air!" I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 and I yelled to the cabbie "Peace holmes, smell ya later!" I looked at my kingdom, I was finally there. To sit on my throne, as the Prince of Bel Air.

Edited by Cal45
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I AM WILL I MOVED TO BEL AIR WITH MY AUNT AND UNCLE AND IMMEDIATELY I NOTICED THE FAMILY WAS VERY CLEAN LOOKING UNLIKE MY MOM WHO WAS ALWAYS LOOKING LIKE SHIT AND I DIDNT KNOW MANY GIRLS IN PHILLY ANYWAY THE FAMILY WAS GREAT AND I HAD LOTS OF FOOD AND NEW FRIENDS.

ONE DAY CARLTON WAS WALKING IN THE HOUSE AND I LOVED HOW HE SMELLED CAUSE HE WORE AFTERSHAVE SO I TOLD HIM TO COME HERE CAUSE THE

DRYER NEEDED TO BE FIXED OR SOMETHING BUT I MADE IT UP AND WHEN HE WAS IN HALLWAY TOWARDS DRYER ROOM I ELBOWED HIS TEMPLE AND HE SLAMMED AGAINST THE WALL AND FELL TO THE FLOOR AND WOULDNT GET UP

I SAID YO CARLTON GET UP IT WAS JUST A JOKE
BUT HE DIDNT MOVE

SO I WENT UPSTAIRS AND ATE SOME VANILLA COOKIES THEY HAD SITTING AROUND TO THINK OF MY PLAN AND THEN THE BUTLER GUY CAME IN I FORGOT HIS NAME BECAUSE I WAS SO TENSE AND HE SAID DONT EAT COOKIES CAUSE IT WILL SPOIL MY DINNER

SO I THREW THE COOKIES IN HIS FACE AND RAN UPSTAIRS

BAN ME PLEASE uPSTAIRS I SAW HILARYS ROOM WAS OPENED BUT I IGNORED THAT AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM AND TOOK A GOOD SHIT CAUSE OF THE VANILLA COOKIES AND STUFF SO THEN I REALIZED OH FUCK I LEFT CARLTON DOWNSTAIRS AND ITS BEEN LIKE 10 to 15 MINZ
SO I QUICKLY GOT UP WITH A SHIT HANGING FROM MY ASS LOOKED LIKE A TAIL CAUSE IT WAS THE COLOR OF MY SKIN BUT IF I HAD EATEN FRUITIE PEBBLES IT WOULDVE BEEN GREEN AND PEOPLE WOULDVE NOTICED

BUT ANYWAY I RAN DOWN STAIRS AND CARLTON WASNT ON THE FLOOR ANYMORE

WHEN I WENT TO FIND CARLTON I FOUND HIM IN THE KITCHEN WITH AN ICEPACK ON HIS HEAD AND HE SAID WILL WHY DID YOU DO THAT AND I SAID I TRIPPED AND HE BELIEVED ME SO I TOLD HIM TO COME UPSTAIRS AFTER HE FEELS BETTER

AS HE WAS WALKING UP THE STAIRS BEHIND ME I TURNED AROUND AND BACKED INTO HIM SO THE SHIT HANGING AS TAIL FROM MY ASS GOT ON HIS SHIRT BUT I BACKED UP TOO FAR AND CARLTON FELL DOWN THE STAIRS

I TURNED AROUND AND SAw THAT HE WASNT MOVING AGAIN

BUT I EXPECTED THAT HE WOULD BE IN THE KITCHEN AGAIN WITH ANOTHER ICE
THIS TIME I WENT INTO HILARYS ROOM BUT SHE WASNT THERE SO I TRIED TO GO BACK TO THE BATHROOM BUT IT WAS LOCKED AND I SAID YO OPEN UP AND HILARY WAS INSIDE SO I WAS LIKE YO ITS THE POLICE AND I KICKED THE DOOR OPEN BUT IT DIDNT OPEN AND I REALLY HURT MY LEG

SO I WAS GONNA GET REVENGE FOR THAT

AND I REALKLY HAD TO PEE

SO I LIED DOWN ON THE FLOOR SIDE WAYS AND PULLED MY PENIS TILL IT GOT A LITTLE LONGER

AND STUCK IT UNDER CRACK OF DOOR

AND STARTED TO PEE

AND HILARY WAS SCREAMING WILL NOT AGAIN AND I STARTED TO DO SHIT TOO BUT MY BUTT WAS FACING THE OTHER WAY SO IT GOT ON THE CARPET AND NOT IN THE BATHROOM

ANyway CARLTON CAME UPSTAIRS LIKE I EXPECTED AND HE SAW ME AND KIND OF SIGHED AND WENT TO HIS ROOM

SO I GOT UP AND WENT TO HIS ROOM AND BANGED OPEN THE DOOR AND ASKED HIM WHY HE SIGHED

AND HE EXPLAINED IT AND THEN HE WAS IN HIS UNDERWEAR CAUSE IT WAS REALLY HOT THAT DAY

SO I FOUND A BASKETBALL IN HIS CLOSET AND SAID YO CATCH AND THREW IT ON HIS HEAD AND HE FELL BACK ON HIS BED AND DIDNT MOVE

I WENT TO ASHLEYS ROOM AND SHE WAS WEARING A HAT BACKWARDS SO I TOLD HER THAT WAS RIGHT AND THEN HILARY FINALLY LEFT THE BATHROOM SO I WENT IN BUT I HAD NO PEE OR SHIT ANYMORE SO I CAME OUT AGAIN BUT ALMOST SLIPPED ON THE FLOOR THAT STUPID HILARY DIDNT CLEAN WHILE SHE WAS IN THERE

ANYWAY I WENT TO HER ROOM AND SHE WAS IN TOWEL AND SHE WAS TAKING IT OFF AND I WAS BEHIND HER AND SHE COULD SEE ME SO I KICKED HER IN THE SPINE ABOVE HER ASS

AND SHE FELL ONTO HER BED SCREAMING WILL!!!!!!! AND THEN I LEFT THE ROOM AND CAME BACK IN PRETENDING I JUST WALKED IN AND SAID YO WHATS WRONG?

AND SHE SAID WILL YOU KICKED ME IN THE BACK AND I SAID NO AND THEN I RAN TO CARLTONS ROOM GOT THE BASKETBALL AND BROUGHT IT BACK TO HER ROOM AND SAID YO LOOK I WAS PLAYING BE BALL AND SHE TURNED AROUND WITH HER TOWEL OFF TO LOOK AT THE B BALL AND I SAID SEE? YO CATCH AND I THREW IT AT HER FACE AND HER NOSE TOTALLY EXPLODED

I WALKED OUT OF THE ROOM AND SAW THAT ASHLEY WAS IN HER ROOM LISTENING TO MUSIC AND THEN THE CALL CAME FROM DOWNSTAIRS DINNAH IS READY THE BUTLER SAID SO I WENT DOWN STAIRS AHEAD OF EVERYONE AND HE SERVED SOME BIG BIRD

AT THE TABLE UNCLE ASKED HILARY WHATH APPENED TO HER NOSE AND AUNTI ASKED CONSTANTINE OR WHATEVER HIS NAME IS WHAT HE DID THE WHOLE DAY AND HE SAID HE COULDNT REMEMBER AND BEFORE HILARY COULD TELL THAT I HAD THROWN BASKETBALL IN HER FACE I RAN OVER TABLE AND WHISPERED TO HER THAT ID DO ANY FAVOR FOR HER IF SHE DIDNT TELL

SO SHE DIDNT TELL AND UNCLE SAID WILL WHAT DID YOU SAY TO HER? AND I SAID A SECRET ANYWAY I FINISHED MY MEAL AND UNCLE SAID THERE ARE NO SECRETS AMONG FAMILY IN THIS HOUSE AND I SAID WHAT ABOUT YOU AND CARLTON AND LAUGHED AND RAN UP StaiRS BUT BEFORE I GOT TO THE TOP STAIR I WENT YO

ANYWAY EVERYONE WAS SETTLING DOWN AND UNCLE AND AUNTY WERE IN THEIR ROOMS AND EVERYONE WAS IN THEIR ROOMS

SO I WENT DOWNSTAIRS TO THE BUTLERS ROOM AND HE WAS WATCHING TV WITH ONLY HIS TOP ON

AND I SAID YO WAHTS UP AND HE SAID JUST WATCHING TV MR WILL AND I SAID YOUR COCK LOOKs LIKE RAISEN BUT I KICKED HIS TV LIKE A HORSE AND PULLED UP HIS SHIRT AND BIT HIS STOMACH REALLY HARD TILL BLOOD CAME OUT AND HE SCREAMED AND I LEFT
SO I FOUND A BASKETBALL IN HIS CLOSET AND SAID YO CATCH AND THREW IT ON HIS HEAD AND HE FELL BACK ON HIS BED AND DIDNT MOVE

I WENT TO ASHLEYS ROOM AND SHE WAS WEARING A HAT BACKWARDS SO I TOLD HER THAT WAS RIGHT AND THEN HILARY FINALLY LEFT THE BATHROOM SO I WENT IN BUT I HAD NO PEE OR SHIT ANYMORE SO I CAME OUT AGAIN BUT ALMOST SLIPPED ON THE FLOOR THAT STUPID HILARY DIDNT CLEAN WHILE SHE WAS IN THERE

ANYWAY I WENT TO HER ROOM AND SHE WAS IN TOWEL AND SHE WAS TAKING IT OFF AND I WAS BEHIND HER AND SHE COULD SEE ME SO I KICKED HER IN THE SPINE ABOVE HER ASS

AND SHE FELL ONTO HER BED SCREAMING WILL!!!!!!! AND THEN I LEFT THE ROOM AND CAME BACK IN PRETENDING I JUST WALKED IN AND SAID YO WHATS WRONG?

AND SHE SAID WILL YOU KICKED ME IN THE BACK AND I SAID NO AND THEN I RAN TO CARLTONS ROOM GOT THE BASKETBALL AND BROUGHT IT BACK TO HER ROOM AND SAID YO LOOK I WAS PLAYING BE BALL AND SHE TURNED AROUND WITH HER TOWEL OFF TO LOOK AT THE B BALL AND I SAID SEE? YO CATCH AND I THREW IT AT HER FACE AND HER NOSE TOTALLY EXPLODED

I WALKED OUT OF THE ROOM AND SAW THAT ASHLEY WAS IN HER ROOM LISTENING TO MUSIC AND THEN THE CALL CAME FROM DOWNSTAIRS DINNAH IS READY THE BUTLER SAID SO I WENT DOWN STAIRS AHEAD OF EVERYONE AND HE SERVED SOME BIG BIRD

AT THE TABLE UNCLE ASKED HILARY WHATH APPENED TO HER NOSE AND AUNTI ASKED CONSTANTINE OR WHATEVER HIS NAME IS WHAT HE DID THE WHOLE DAY AND HE SAID HE COULDNT REMEMBER AND BEFORE HILARY COULD TELL THAT I HAD THROWN BASKETBALL IN HER FACE I RAN OVER TABLE AND WHISPERED TO HER THAT ID DO ANY FAVOR FOR HER IF SHE DIDNT TELL

SO SHE DIDNT TELL AND UNCLE SAID WILL WHAT DID YOU SAY TO HER? AND I SAID A SECRET ANYWAY I FINISHED MY MEAL AND UNCLE SAID THERE ARE NO SECRETS AMONG FAMILY IN THIS HOUSE AND I SAID WHAT ABOUT YOU AND CARLTON AND LAUGHED AND RAN UP StaiRS BUT BEFORE I GOT TO THE TOP STAIR I WENT YO


AND THEN I LEFT THE ROOM WITH THE RAP STILL GOING THROUGH MY HEAD

AND I SEE ASHLEYS ROOM IS OPENED AND SHES ON HER BED AND SHE IS CRYING

SO I SAY YO ASHLEY WHATS UP

AND BEFORE SHE CAN LOOK UP I SLAP HER SO HARD THAT THE LIGHTS IN THE ROOM FLICKER ON AND OFF

LOL WELL SHE AINT CRYING NOW SO I LEFT THE ROOM AND WENT TO HILARYS ROOM

BUT SHE WASNT THERE

SO I RAN DOWNSTAIRS CAUSE I HEARD THE FRIDGE OPEN

AND SHE WAS THERE IN A LONG T SHIRT LOOKING FOR A NIGHT TIME SNACK

SO I SAID YO HILARY

AND SHE SAID WHAT WILL?

AND I SAID NOTHIN and went FFF to CONTROL MY LAUGHTER AND RAN UPSTAIRS

I WENT TO CHECK ON UNCLE AND AUNTIE AND UNCLE WAS TRYING TO ROLL OUT OF BED AND AUNTIE WAS STILL HOLDING ON

SO I SAID YO UNCLE LET ME HELP BUT WHEN I TRIED TO GET MY HANDS UNDER HIM HE ROLLED TOWARDS ME AND I HEARD CRACKING NOISES

AND THEN I FELT IT AND I SCREAMED SO BIG THAT MY MOUTH FELT LIKE IT WAS GOING TO TEAR

I PULLED OUT MY BROKEN HANDS LIMP AND ALREADY STARTING TO SWELL AND I COULDNT FEEL ANYTHING SO I RAN OUT OF THE ROOM TO TELL CARLTON WHAT HAPPENED

HE SAID HE READ A BOOK ON REIKI HEALING AND HE SNAPPED MY HANDS BACK INTO PLACE SO TO TEST IT I SLAPPED HIM

THEY WERE BACK!

THEN HILARY CAME IN

AND SAID WILL I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THAT FAVOR YOU PROMISED

AND SO WE WENT BACK TO HER ROOM

AND SHE TOOK OFF HER T SHIRT AND SAID WILL I WANT YOU TO STOP BEING SUCH A MENACE

AND I SAID THATS ONE THING I CANT DO AND I JUMPED AND KICKED HER IN THE NECK AND FELL ON MY HIP

SHE WAS GASPING FOR AIR AND I DRAGGED MYSELF BACK TO CARLTON TO FIX MY HIP

AND HE DID AND TO TEST IT THIS TIME I DID A HULA DANCE AND WENT TO ASHLEYS ROOM

I SAW SHE WAS DOING HOMEWORK ON HER DESK OR WRITING SOMETHING

SO I WENT TO HER BED AND SHAT ON IT

AND SNEAKED OUT OF HER ROOM

HILARY RAN OUT OF HER ROOM NAKED AND SAID IM TELLING DAD AND I SAID GO AHEAD AND TELL THE FAT FUCK AND ANYWAY I WENT IN BEHIND HER AND UNCLE HAD GOTTEN UP AND WAS HELPING AUNTI BACK INSIDE THE ROOM AND EVERYONE WAS NAKEDI N THERE SO I LEFT AND SLAMMED THE DOOR AND SAID WEAR SOME CLOTHES YOU FUCKERS BUT I STILL WASNT WEARING PANTS SO I REMEMBERED THE BUTLER AND WENT DOWNSTAIRS

HE WAS BANDAGING HIS STOMACH BITE WOUND SO I KEPT SLAPPING HIS HAND SO HE COULDNT FINISH AND THEN I TOOK ONE OF THE SHARDS FROM THE SMASHED TV THAT I HORSE KICKED AND SAID YO BRO WATCH OUT THERES AN ANT ON YOUR FACE AND I THREW THE SHARD INTO HIS FACE AND THEN REGRETTED THAT I SAID ANT AND NOT SPIDER AND THEN I TOOK THE SHARD OUT OF HIS FACE AND SAID YO ITSA SPIDER SORRY NOT AN ANT OH NO

ITS CRAWLING IN YOUR NOSE SO I STUCK THE SHARD IN HIS NOSE AND THEN HEARD SOME COMMOTION UPSTAIRS SO I PULLED IT OUT SIDEWAYS REALLY QUICK AND BUTLER SCREAMED
AND I RAN UPSTAIRS AND DROPPED THE SHARD ON THE STAIRS AND WENT TO ASHLEYS ROOM WHERE SHE WAS GETTING UNDRESSED TO GET IN HER SLEEP CLOTHES AND SHE HAD A LITTLE BODY SO I PICKED HER UP BY THE WAISTE AND THREW HER ACROSS THE ROOM AND TOWARDS THE WALL BUT IT WAS TOO HIGH AND SHE HIT THE ROOM LIGHT AT THE ROOF AND SHATTERED IT

I RAN TO HILARYS ROOM AND SAW SHE WASNT THERE AND THEN I WENT TO CARLTON AND SAID ITS TIME FOR FAMILY MEETING SO I GOT HIM UP AND I TOOK HIM TO UNCLES ROOM WITH EVERYONE IN IT EXCEPT ASHLEY AND BUTLER

I SAID YO WAIT HERE AND RAN BACK DOWNSTAIRS BUT THE SHARD GOT IN MY FOOT AND IT REALLY HURT SO I PULLED ITO UT AND GOT BUTLER AND THEN GOT ASHLEY AND EVERYONE I PUT THEM IN THE ROOM

AND I SAID ONE FINAL TOUCH AND I RAN TO HILARIES ROOM AND GOT THE BASKETBALL AND BROUGHT IT BACK AND THEN THREW IT REALLY HARD AND IT HIT UNCLES FACE AND HE FELL OVER ON CARLTONS LEG AND CRUSHED IT AND UNCLES NOSE WAS BLEEDING AND I BENT AUNTI OVER AND SHE FARTED IN MY EYE SO I JUDO CHOPPED HER ANUS BUT IT DIDNT DO ANYTHING SO I KICKED HER IN BETWEEN HER BUT CHEEKS AND SHE SCREAMED AND FELL FORWAR

AND SLAMMED HER HEAD ON THE NIGHT STAND TABLE THAT HELD THE LAMP AND THEN I PICKED UP THE LAMP AND TURNED THE LIGHT OFF AND PULLED OUT THE CORD AND SET IT BACK ON THE TABLE BECAUSE THE ROOM LIGHT WAS ON WHY LWASTE ELECTRICITY

THEN I YAWNED AND WENT TO MY ROOM AND WENT TO SLEEP
THE END
Edited by ^TheRumor^
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