iShootCats Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 Sorry if this is deemed inappropriate if so delete . Anyways we just had a small debate in css jailbreak about ass hair shaving well here's the reason why you shouldn't. Don't Shave That Hair!!! I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble shitting. No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold. I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea. I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over. Little did I know. I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry. Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic shit- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky shit/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm. Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering shit/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own shit blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks." Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil. As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony. Friends, DON'T SHAVE YOUR ASS-HAIR! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-O-P-rime Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dolan Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 tldr 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forgetful Predator Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 10/10 would read again should probably get it published as well 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zezima Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 As someone who was seriously contemplating shaving their ass hair for this exact reason. I will now refrain, and meticulously continue my habits. May I suggest instead of shaving, simply trimming/tidying up the very important area. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CantBeFaded Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedDevil6193 Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 mhm 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David Fattiehoff Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Factions Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 Anyways we just had a small debate in css jailbreak about ass hair shaving ahh yes the css jailbreak ass hair debate! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mccaincracker Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 Atleast it was well written! Did you write this or is it from somewhere else? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iShootCats Posted November 2, 2013 Author Share Posted November 2, 2013 Atleast it was well written! Did you write this or is it from somewhere else? It's pretty old but I decided to post this thanks to the debate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade! Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 Theres a wild jungle on mine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arezk Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 (edited) Thats why I don't play jailbreak. How does this topic even come up? Lol, yahoo answers ftw : http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20060820101833AATEodN Edited November 2, 2013 by Arezk 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StyleeZy Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 that was a good read, holy shit Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JJK Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 reddit from a week ago 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cookie Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 wax dont shave Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.lsd Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 glad u found one of the longest running stories on the internet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zezima Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 glad u found one of the longest running stories on the internet No sir... May i introduce you to the longest running text on the internet: What the f--k did you just f-----g say about me, you little b---h? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the f--k out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my f-----g words. You think you can get away with saying that s--t to me over the Internet? Think again, f----r. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re f-----g dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little s--t. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever†comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your f-----g tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will s--t fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re f-----g dead, kiddo.. Censored so I dont get a pesky warning point. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goat Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 Fucking epic, lol! I'll keep you in my prayers man. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Sandman Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 literal shit posting lel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Solitary Ocean Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 I can't believe I read the whole thing. I'm going to go contemplate about how I spend my time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HunterHunter Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 When I read about the fan bit. I nearly threw up Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chicken Wings Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 This whole thread Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BranHorse Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 (edited) I read the whole thing hoping it would end in Edited November 2, 2013 by BranHorse Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nite Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 You are a b i t c h Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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